Changing is a difficult act in just about any circumstances. I’m not saying it’s not good, just difficult.
There’s a number of things I know I do quite well and some other many I don’t, but I like to think I’m a work in progress and never stand still, no matter what. Hence, changing is a constant in my daily life, perhaps the very real routine I got.
When I’m not that good at something, changing such status demands a solid purpose, references, focus, and bunches of thoughts, heavy study, hard practice, and discipline. That alone is already difficult enough.
Now, when I want to change something I’m already good at, things go beyond savage!
The fact one can’t bring a new order to an existent one without breaking it down first makes my life pure misery, when I'm trying to change it. My mind, resources, and environment are all set up for what I do, the way I do it. Once I decide to change that I do, all the setting turns inadequate and must be reset to the new demands and standards. That’s when chaos installs itself in both the world and my mind. Because, in order to change whatever, my performance will first drop down quite a few notches as I realign my senses and learn the new acts. Only then, performance will come to a higher stage.
That not being hard enough, I’ll also have to face judgement, critique, intolerance, and misunderstanding, as people around me might not be as interested, motivated, and engaged in "the new me” as I am. So, more often than rarely, they’ll think I got worse ⸻and they’re probably right⸻, they’ll feel uncomfortable and unsafe with what they’re getting from me, and their judgement instinct will rise for sure, compromising their tolerance to the non-conformity of my productions and performances.
Nevertheless, I’ll have to struggle with my own misery and other’s too, for that matter. But it’s all on me anyways, for it’s my take, and I’ll need all the confidence and determination to endure such a most uncomfortable period until I master "the new me" and gain once more the plateau of credibility.
Over and over, I faced such a hard time and, frankly, to me, it doesn’t matter how hard it is, nor whether I move to a better or a worse standard, because being away from the mainstream is benefit enough for me in any field of life.
And I feel like that, because changing, going, and being where most people are not or haven’t been before broadens my perspective, enhances my perception, and provides me with a variety of tools that makes me more resourceful, which allows me to surf smoothly through the traps of living. Moreover, I kinda never see myself in the so-called comfort zone, and that’s a most desirable thrill for me; the constant reinvention of myself!
As you can think, change is hard at first and messy in the middle, but I assure you it’s freaking mind-bending crazy at the end! I spend a lotta time with myself and I must avoid getting bored. But that’s my choice and it doesn’t mean it’s as good for anybody else.
And you? What does change mean to you?
What’s your choice?